majors: your parents' decision? -- Virtually Advising Q+A

The Q: College is a time to find yourself and try to narrow down what you want to do with the rest of your life. But how do I manage when my ideas are not what my parents had in mind for me? Technically they have a say because they help pay the bills, but how much should that really be a factor?

The A : This is definitely not an easy question, and the answer will differ from family to family. In the best-case scenario, you sit down with your folks and explain your ideas and interests. They listen to you, and then - this is crucial - you genuinely listen to them. It has to work both ways.

Once you've heard each other, you may be able to manage a compromise, like a double major. Many parents are concerned about ensuring that you can earn a living, and a double major - your true love and, say, business or engineering - will at least defer a real showdown until after you graduate.

But this doesn't always work. Some parents come from families or cultures in which older members make decisions for younger ones. In these cases, experience is held to be the prime basis of wisdom and compromise may not be a workable solution. If you can't reach an understanding, you have to decide what your priorities are. If you're determined to follow your own ideas, you have to make yourself very clear and be willing to take the consequences.

I said in an earlier column that I changed majors four times. What I didn't say was that I worked full-time to put myself through school. When I lost my full scholarship by changing majors, my parents couldn't afford to pay my tuition, room and board, so I had to earn that money. They helped as much as they could, but I had to be responsible for the fallout from my decision.

If it's genuinely important to you to be a sculptor or a classicist, you'll figure out a way to put yourself through school. It's not ideal, and it's not fun, but there are many worse options. And you'll certainly learn good organizational skills and work habits in the process.

—Anahid Kassabian, Chief Advisor