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Lesson
Three:
Compare and Contrast Sample Essay
Note: The below
essays were not edited by EssayEdge Editors. They appear as
they were initially reviewed by admissions officers.
SAMPLE
ESSAY 1:
Columbia, Athlete and Musician (sailing and bass guitar)
Write
a chapter from your autobiography.
Chapter
34: One Memorable Sailing Practice
The sun's
glare off the water forces my watery eyes to close even more.
Spray leaps over the bow and blocks my vision as it slams
into me like hundreds of little pebbles. The salt water has
irritated my eyes enough already, but I am only beginning
my practice for today. The Buzzards Bay Regatta is only three
days away, and I must get comfortable with the boat.
Skimming
over the waves on a screaming plane, the boat senses every
movement. The boat is like a leaf being blown across a pond.
With only the rear end of the hull in the water, I am half
flying and concentrate on positioning my weight aft for the
most speed. I shuffle my butt half a foot aft and the boat
rounds up towards the wind, but I fight the motion off with
the helm and regain my original course.
With one
hand on the tiller and the other holding the mainsheet, I
see that my hands are in the same position when I play my
bass guitar. Comparisons between the two mesh together in
my mind as I realize the similarities between bass guitar
and sailing. I recall the practicing involved in bass and
see how sailing requires the same diligence. My thoughts no
longer focus on fine tuning my sailing, but they vividly connect
bass guitar playing and sailing.
I probe
to find out what the essences of sailing and music are. While
on the water in a sailboat, I accept the elements as they
present themselves to me. Given certain wind and wave conditions,
I manipulate the sailboat to attain the best harmony between
by boat and its immediate environment. I imagine the sailboat
is an extension of my body and plunge, accelerate, and rock
with the sea and the wind, as the boat does. Sailing stresses
technique because I need proper form to adjust to all of the
different combinations to have twelve different notes in the
musical alphabet with which to work, and with my technique
I manipulate those notes and arrange them to adjust to varied
moods I want to express. Again, painstaking technique is emphasized
because by body must encompass the bass to attain the pure
harmony between my expression and the notes on the instrument.
Meticulously, I pluck, pull, and slide my fingers on the strings
as I adjust to the countless combinations. Musicians and sailors
alike practice their technique to reach perfection, whether
it be in the form of the fastest sailboat or the most sonorous
melody. Rooted in the same essence, I discover that I draw
from the same method to sail and play music.
Seemingly
unrelated experiences converge. Bass guitar and sailing do
not seem to relate to one another, but I discover the similarities.
Linking bass guitar and sailing consummates the understanding
of two of my hobbies. I seek the mastery of my sailing, but
I realize that I simultaneously increase my understanding
of bass playing as well.
My focus
shifts from new realizations back to my sailboat, but the
waves are turning into ripples as the sun sets. There will
not be any more sailing today, but I can now continue practicing
with my bass.
COMMENTS:
This writer
maintains focus by making the similarities between his two
activities the topic of the essay. The detail with which he
describes both activities and the depth with which he analyzes
their similarities clearly demonstrate the passion that he
brings to both.
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SAMPLE
ESSAY 2:
Harvard, Favorite Characters
Of all
the characters that I've "met" through books and movies, two
stand out as people that I most want to emulate. They are
Attacus Finch from To Kill A Mockingbird and Dr. Archibald
"Moonlight" Graham from Field of Dreams. They appeal
to me because they embody what I strive to be. They are influential
people in small towns who have a direct positive effect on
those around them. I, too, plan to live in a small town after
graduating from college, and that positive effect is something
I must give in order to be satisfied with my life.
Both Mr.
Finch and Dr. Graham are strong supporting characters in wonderful
stories. They symbolize good, honesty, and wisdom. When the
story of my town is written I want to symbolize those things.
The base has been formed for me to live a productive, helpful
life. As an Eagle Scout I represent those things that Mr.
Finch and Dr. Graham represent. In the child/adolescent world
I am Mr. Finch and Dr. Graham, but soon I'll be entering the
adult world, a world in which I'm not yet prepared to lead.
I'm quite
sure that as teenagers Attacus Finch and Moonlight Graham
often wondered what they could do to help others. They probably
emulated someone who they had seen live a successful life.
They saw someone like my grandfather, 40-year president of
our hometown bank, enjoy a lifetime of leading, sharing, and
giving. I have seen him spend his Christmas Eves taking gifts
of food and joy to indigent families. Often when his bank
could not justify a loan to someone in need, my grandfather
made the loan from his own pocket. He is a real-life Moonlight
Graham, a man who has shown me that characters like Dr. Graham
and Mr. Finch do much much more than elicit tears and smiles
from readers and movie watchers. Through him and others in
my family I feel I have acquired the values and the burning
desire to benefit others that will form the foundation for
a great life. I also feel that that foundation is not enough.
I do not yet have the sophistication, knowledge, and wisdom
necessary to succeed as I want to in the adult world. I feel
that Harvard, above all others, can guide me toward the life
of greatness that will make me the Attacus Finch of my town.
COMMENTS:
This essay
is a great example of how to answer this question well. This
applicant chose characters who demonstrated specific traits
that reflect on his own personality. We believe that he is
sincere about his choices because his reasons are personal
(being from a small town, and so forth). He managed to tell
us a good deal about himself, his values, and his goals while
maintaining a strong focus throughout.
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From
ESSAYS THAT WILL GET YOU INTO COLLEGE,
by
Amy Burnham, Daniel Kaufman, and Chris Dowhan.
Copyright 1998 by Dan Kaufman.
Reprinted by arrangement with Barron's Educational Series,
Inc.
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