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Lesson
Five: Introductions
The introduction
is the first sentence of your essay and it plays the dual
role of setting the theme of your essay and engaging the reader.
The introduction should not be overly formal. You do not want
an admissions officer to start reading your essay and think,
"here we go again." Although admissions officers will try
to give the entire essay a fair reading, they are only human
-- if you lose them after the first sentence, the rest of
your essay will not get the attention it deserves.
General
Tips
-
Don't
Say Too Much. Just tell the story! Your introduction
should not be so complex and so lengthy that it loses
the reader before they even start. You have the rest
of the essay to say what you want. There's no need to
pack it all into the first sentence. This leads to the
next tip.
-
Don't
Start Your Essay with a Summary. If you summarize,
the admissions officer does not need to read the rest
of your essay. You want to start your essay with something
that makes the reader want to read until the very end.
Once you have drawn the reader in through the first
one to three sentences, the last sentence in your introductory
paragraph should explain clearly and briefly what the
point of the whole essay is. That is, why you are using
this person, place, or thing. What does it say about
you?
-
Create
Mystery or Intrigue in your Introduction. It is
not necessary or recommended that your first sentence
give away the subject matter. Raise questions in the
minds of the admissions officers to force them to read
on. Appeal to their senses and emotions to make them
relate to your subject matter.
Types
of Introductions
Please
select a link below for examples and descriptions of various
introductions.
Note: The below
essays were not edited by EssayEdge Editors. They appear as
they were initially reviewed by admissions officers.
Academic
Introduction:
This is the type of introduction you would use for a standardized
test or a history paper. A typical standard introduction answers
one or more of the six basic questions: who, what, when, where,
why, and how. It gives the reader an idea of what to expect.
You should try to stay away from simply restating the question
unless you are limited by a word count and need to get to
the point quickly. Your basic academic introduction or thesis
statement is best used as the follow-up sentence to one of
the more creative introductions described below.
Examples:
One of the
greatest challenges I've had to overcome was moving from
Iran to the United States. Iran was in deep political
turmoil when I left, as it is today.
EssayEdge
Says:
This introduction is clear and to the point, and will prepare
your reader for the ideas you want to discuss. However,
it is rather unexciting and will not immediately engage
your reader. As mentioned, you should try to preface it
with a more creative statement. In addition, it makes one
typical error. One should usually avoid using contractions
in a formal essay, for example, "I've."
Through
all of my accomplishments and disappointments, I have
always been especially proud of the dedication and fervor
I possess for my personal beliefs and values.
EssayEdge
Says: This
is a very effective introduction to an essay about your
personality. Mentioning pride is a good way to indicate
how important your beliefs and values are to you. In a sentence
like this, however, it would be better to use "Throughout"
rather than "Through." "Throughout" better expresses the
widespread, expansive tone you want to give this sentence.
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Creative
Introduction:
A
creative introduction catches the reader off-guard with an
opening statement that leaves the reader smiling or wondering
what the rest of the essay contains.
Examples:
Imagine
yourself a freshman in high school, beginning your independence.
As the oldest child, I was the first to begin exploring
the worlds of dating, extra-curricular clubs and upperclassmen.
However, one afternoon my parents sat my two sisters and
me down. They said.
EssayEdge
Says:
The power of this introduction is that it places the reader
in your shoes, making him or her more interested in what
takes place in the rest of the essay. Its main mistake is
that its informality gives the essay a slightly hokey or
corny tone. Although a greater degree of informality is
allowed in a creative essay, you must be careful not to
take it too far.
I am a dynamic
figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have
been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks,
making them more efficient in the area of heat retention.
I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning
operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread
water for three days in a row.
EssayEdge
Says:
This introduction is both creative and effective. It amuses
the reader by listing a bizarre and probably fictitious
set of achievements, thus demonstrating the writer's imagination
(and poking fun at the admissions process). At the same
time, its light tone avoids sounding too obnoxious. As a
note, you should remember that good use of semicolons will
impress your reader: "I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban
refugees; I write award-winning operas; I manage time efficiently."
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Action
Introduction:
An Action
Introduction takes the reader into the middle of an action
sequence. By not building up to the story, it forces the reader
to read on to find out not only the significance of this moment
in time, but what led up to and followed it. It is perfect
for short essays where space must be conserved or for narrative
essays that begin with a story.
Examples:
I promised
God I would eat all my peas, but He didn't care. A confused
eleven-year-old girl, I sat and listened to my father
pace. With each heavy step echoing loudly throughout the
silent house, my family's anxiety and anticipation mounted
while awaiting news of my grandfather's health. My heart
racing, I watched the clock, amazed that time could crawl
so slowly. Finally, the telephone interrupted the house's
solemn silence. I heard my father repeating the words
"yes, yes, of course." He then hung up the receiver
and announced my grandfather's death and cancer's victory.
EssayEdge
Says:
This is the kind of introduction that will immediately intrigue
your reader because it begins with a very unusual declaration.
The image of a little girl eating peas and hoping to acquire
God's help is charming while hinting at the solemnity of
the situation described.
Surrounded
by thousands of stars, complete silence, and spectacular
mountains, I stood atop New Hampshire's Presidential Range,
awestruck by nature's beauty. Immediately, I realized
that I must dedicate my life to understanding the causes
of the universe's beauty.
EssayEdge
Says:
The first ten words of this essay will catch your reader's
attention, mainly because they create a mental image of
perfect natural beauty. Note that you should try to avoid
repeating key words. In this instance, it would be easy
to avoid repeating the word "beauty." You could simply use
"magnificence" or "loveliness" instead.
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Dialogue
Introduction:
Like
the action introduction, the dialogue introduction brings
the reader directly into the action, only this time in the
form of dialogue. If you are writing about an influential
figure in your life, you can mention a quote from this person
that exemplifies the importance that he or she had on your
life.
Examples:
"You
must stop seeing that Russian girl, " I ordered my
brother when he returned home last summer from the University
of Indianapolis. Echoing the prejudiced, ignorant sentiment
that I had grown up with, I believed it was wrong to become
seriously involved with a person who does not follow the
Hindu religion and is not a member of the Indian race.
EssayEdge
Says:
Multicultural awareness is a key aspect of fitting in well
at a university, and admissions officers are very aware
of this. Thus, it is an excellent idea to mention how you
expanded your cultural sensitivity. Beginning the essay
by admitting that you were once less tolerant is a compelling
way to demonstrate just how much you have grown as a person.
On the verge
of losing consciousness, I asked myself: "Why am
I doing this?" Why was I punishing my body? I had
no answer; my mind blanked out from exhaustion and terror.
I had no time to second-guess myself with a terrifying
man leaning over my shoulder yelling: "You can break
six minutes!" As flecks of spit flew from his mouth
and landed on the handle bar of the ergometer, I longed
to be finished with my first Saturday rowing practice
and my first fifteen-hundred-meter "erg test."
EssayEdge
Says:
The power of this introduction comes from its attention
to detail. The question "Why am I doing this?" gains support
from every horrible detail: the exhaustion, the terrifying
man, and the specks of spit flying from his mouth! With
such strong supporting evidence, the quotation takes on
a life of its own. Your reader will find himself thinking,
"Why would anyone do that? I'd like to find out."
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Overarching
Societal Statements: Rather
than using a traditional thesis statement you can put forth
a societal observation that ties into the theme of your essay.
This can be very effective if the statement is unique and
gives a glimpse into how you view the world. It can be detrimental
if your statement is debatable or unclear. Make sure that
if you use this form of introduction that no admissions office
will take offense to it.
Examples:
High school
is a strange time. After three years of trying to develop
an identity and friends in middle school, students are
expected to mature immediately on the first day of ninth
grade.
EssayEdge
Says:
Be careful not to make statements in your introduction that
seem too exaggerated or unrealistic. After all, no one expects
a student to immediately mature on the first day of ninth
grade. Moreover, if your reader senses that you attained
most of your maturity at the beginning of high school, he
or she might be less than impressed with your character
development. It would be better to state, "students are
expected to enter a new environment in which they must function
with far greater maturity."
To this
day, the United States remains driven by the American
Dream, and we often hear of immigrants who come to this
country to search for opportunities that their native
countries lack. In these tales, immigrants succeed through
hard work, dedication, and a little luck. As idealistic
as the story may seem, I have been fortunate enough to
experience its reality in the life of one very important
man. His example has had great impact on my personal expectations
and goals, and the manner in which I approach my own life.
EssayEdge
Says:
This is an excellent way to introduce a discussion of a
person who has influenced you significantly. Instead of
launching immediately into a list of this man's excellent
qualities and admirable accomplishments, this introduction
lays the foundation for a comprehensive look at just why
the man had such a profound impact on you. It also places
the most importance on the American Dream, as is fitting
in an essay like this one.
Art is a
reflection of one's self-identity in the most unaffected
manner. Because art is very personal, it has no right
or wrong. The type of art that has influenced me most
is music.
EssayEdge
Says:
The first two sentences in this introduction set the kind
of tone you want to maintain throughout your essay: introspective
and creative. However, it moves on to a very boring and
stilted structure in the third sentence. To keep the tone
creative, you could replace that sentence with the following:
"Although artistic expression can take many forms, it is
music that has captivated me."
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Personal
Introduction: The
Personal Introduction takes the reader directly into your
mind. It says, "This is what it is like to be me. Let me take
you to my little world." Since there is a little voyeur in
even the most stern admissions officer, this type of introduction
can be very effective. It is always in the first person and
usually takes an informal, conversational tone:
Examples:
At times,
I think the world around me is crumbling to the ground,
but it never does. Like most people, I face the crunches
of deadlines and endless demands on my time, but I have
never encountered the type of adversity that can crush
people, that can drive people crazy, that can drive them
to suicide.
EssayEdge
Says:
This introduction is indeed compelling, but it raises important
questions about appropriate content. Be careful to avoid
writing a personal essay that is far too personal. You do
not want your reader to think that you might have character
weaknesses that prevent you from handling stressful situations
well.
I chuckle
to myself every time I think about this. I am perceived
as a mild-mannered, intelligent individual until I mention
that I am involved in riflery.
EssayEdge
Says:
Did the first sentence of this introduction confuse you?
This was no doubt its intention. By creating a little mystery
in the first sentence, the reader is forced to keep reading
and keep wondering, "what is this kid's secret?" until the
final word, which pops in the reader's mind, sort of like
a gunshot: "riflery."
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Question
Introduction:
Many
admissions essays begin with a question. While this is an
easy way to begin an essay, admissions officers may perceive
it as a "lazy introduction." No one wants to read an essay
that begins with such tacky material as: "To be or not to
be?" or "Are you looking for an applicant who has drive and
determination? Well, I'm your guy." If you are going to use
a question, make sure that it is an extremely compelling one
and that your experiences provide answers.
Example:
Influence?
Why is it that the people who influence us most influence
us in ways that are not easily quantified? Through her
work with abused children, my mother has shown me the
heroism of selfless dedication to a worthy cause.
EssayEdge
Says: With
one word, this introduction takes an essay question about
the person who has most influenced you and turns it back
around to the admissions board. In effect, you are telling
them that you have thought about their question thoroughly.
You have thought about it for so long that you have a couple
of questions of your own - questions that have sparked an
interesting commentary.
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Quotation
Introduction:
Many
writers are tempted to start their essay with a quote. You
should try to resist this temptation, as most quotes will
look forced. Admissions officers will be turned off if it
is apparent that you searched through a book of famous quotes
and came up with a quote from some famous philosopher about
whom you know nothing. The quotation introduction is most
effective when the quote you choose is unusual, funny, or
obscure, not too long, and from those to whom you are closest.
Choose a quote with a meaning you plan to reveal to the reader
as the essay progresses. The admissions committee is interested
in how you respond to the quote and what that response says
about you.
Examples:
John F.
Kennedy said, "Ask not what your country can do for
you; ask what you can do for your country." I see
academics as a similar two-way interaction: in the classroom,
I will do much more than take up valuable space. Because
of the broad range of experiences I have had, my knowledge
of many subjects is thorough. These experiences will help
me perform well in any class, as I have learned how to
use my time efficiently.
EssayEdge
Says:
This is a risky quote with which to begin an essay. After
all, it is difficult to imagine a more time-worn or oft-repeated
statement. However, this introduction goes on to apply this
quote in a relatively unique manner. The contrast between
such a standard quotation and such an interesting application
will likely catch your reader's attention.
"Experience
is what you receive when you don't get what you want."
I remembered my father's words as I tried to postpone
the coming massacre. Just as during the fall of the Roman
Empire, my allies became enemies and my foes turned into
partners. In fast and furious action with property changing
hands again and again, I rested my fate on the words of
one man, hoping he would rescue me from this dangerous
tailspin. Do these experts realize the heartbreak they
are inflicting on my young life? While the uncertainty
of tomorrow's attire is the most pressing concern for
many seventeen-year-olds, I must worry about much greater
issues! It is August 31, the market is down over 300 points
and the value of my stock portfolio is falling fast.
EssayEdge
Says:
Quoting a person with whom you enjoy a close relationship
is generally preferable to quoting a famous source. This
passage's strength comes from the brief, understated role
that the quote plays. The short statement introduces the
rest of the paragraph and presents the fundamental point,
and then the essay moves on to examine specific details.
This is the ideal role of a quotation.
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Now it's your turn.
Select one of the above styles (or make up your own) and try
to write an introduction to your essay. Spend some time picking
the right style and choosing the best words possible.
Continue
to Conclusions
From ESSAYS THAT WILL GET YOU INTO COLLEGE,
by
Amy Burnham, Daniel Kaufman, and Chris Dowhan.
Copyright 1998 by Dan Kaufman.
Reprinted by arrangement with Barron's Educational Series,
Inc.
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